The tinkle proved to be a broken retaining clip on one of the wheel-centre badges. And several large handfuls of gravel were extracted from between various suspension components, which sorted the crunch-boing-clonk. Ever-diplomatic Mo at SMC Woking (10 out of 10 again, guys) suggested it looked 'very similar to the stuff they use in gravel traps'. I, of course, couldn't possibly comment...

Having spent the last year chortling about the low cost of running such an apparently outlandish beast, I've finally been hit with a substantial bill. A recent house move highlighted the Clio's minimal ground clearance - the front spoiler being the main culprit. Virtually any other car you care to mention could negotiate our new drive, but not the V6, which sat sulking, out on the public road. Several days of levelling and many tons of gravel later all is well, lightened wallet notwithstanding.

Sadly an end-of-term report is looming. A new toy lurks in the corner of a dealer's showroom. Over 100bhp more than the Clio, as black as Wales on a good day and rear-wheel drive. Ooo-err.