The BMW X6 M is a compromised SUV, but perfect prom transport

Unlike many of my industry colleagues I’ve never had that big an issue with fast SUVs. Yes, they’re unnecessarily big and often extremely vulgar, but I can’t deny enjoying the absurdity of their performance. Not to mention admiring the tech they use and the lengths development engineers go to in an effort to make them stop, steer and handle like sports cars. Call it my guilty pleasure.

Despite my closet liking for the genre, even I have to admit that the X6 M Competition conforms to the worst super-SUV stereotypes. For starters it has decidedly porcine features, its bluff nose, huge nostrils and stout body totally at odds with the raked roofline. To paraphrase the late and much-missed comedian Sean Lock’s best punchline, it’s a challenging tank.

Quite how M’s engineers feel when presented with something like this to hone into a M model is anyone’s guess. It’s certainly hard to credit it was worked upon by the same team that developed the M5 CS – one of the greatest supersaloons of all time – but clearly even they can’t find a cheat code to circumvent physics. Given the latest M5 is famously heavier than Jupiter, the 65kg lighter(!) X6 M’s lack of authentic M character and capabilities is a worry, but hopefully its limitations stem from having to contain all that mass combined with a lofty centre of gravity.

Ride quality, or rather the lack of, is the biggest bugbear. On all but the smoothest surfaces it always struggles to settle no matter which mode you try. The jiggle fades with speed, and the trade-off is impressive body control, but it bludgeons the road, shouldering through curves without finding a truly satisfying flow.   

Its size makes it feel confined on most roads, too, which limits the lines you can take. On the plus side its high levels of grip and resistance to roll make it accurate enough to work with what space you have. It’s a shame M couldn’t give it the playful poise, rear-drive balance and hot rod character of Aston Martin’s DBX707.

If the brittle ride is a disappointment, the powertrain is a definite highlight. The 616bhp twin-turbo V8 engine is mighty, with big, barrel-chested shove coupled to a slick-shifting transmission that’s happy to shuffle ratios with silky discretion or give punchy up and downshifts in the spicier driving modes. In this regard the X6 earns its M designation, though relentlessly sub-20mpg fuel figures make for expensive progress.

None of the above impacted the X6’s more unusual duties last month when it was pressed into service as prom wheels for one of my mates, who needed to transport his teenage daughter and her friends to their big school night. Apparently, a Lamborghini Urus is the teen promster’s SUV of choice, but the big Beemer was a more than acceptable substitute.

This story was first featured in evo issue 326.